Good morning and here we are back from vacation and back to reality.
Mom says she had a wonderful time on vacation and that she forgot all about her cancer in Hawaii. She came home to have a treatment on this past Thursday. Since then she has been so moody and mad at me because I apparently am not "babying" her enough. I have found that I know what to expect from treatments and I keep telling her she needs to stay in bed and sleep if she is feeling that bad from her treatment. She won't do it and she is just sitting in her chair crying. I don't know what to say or what to do. She knows what to expect but every treatment it is like she has never experienced any of the side effects. I try to make her comfortable and feel better and nothing seems to work. This is when I get discouraged and really get mad about cancer.
Today is not a good day at all for her or me. I need to go to work and she is mad about that. But I have to have a escape for myself or I get in a mood too.
Dealing with chemo and all it's side effects mental and physical are awful.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Rainy Monday
Good afternoon fellow bloggers. A little late posting today since I had a doctor's appointment this morning and we had our sweet nephew for the night.
Pain managment Dr. is suggesting a "pain stimulator" be surgically placed in my back when we return from vacation. Hopefully I will get some relief from this pain. Today with the rain it has been really bad.
Four days until we leave and I have so much to get done and not one ounce of ambition in me to do it. Connor has his last baseball game tonight and I am not sure if it will be playable or not with the rain we have gotten today. Guess we will wait and see. It isn't until 8pm tonight, so we might get it in.
Mom is feeling tired so today I have had her rest and nap. Still need to go get her a new wheelchair this week, finish packing, do laundry, take the girls to get brushed and nails trimmed, etc etc etc.
Guess I better cut this one short so I can start a load of laundry.
Have a good day.
Until next time.........
Pain managment Dr. is suggesting a "pain stimulator" be surgically placed in my back when we return from vacation. Hopefully I will get some relief from this pain. Today with the rain it has been really bad.
Four days until we leave and I have so much to get done and not one ounce of ambition in me to do it. Connor has his last baseball game tonight and I am not sure if it will be playable or not with the rain we have gotten today. Guess we will wait and see. It isn't until 8pm tonight, so we might get it in.
Mom is feeling tired so today I have had her rest and nap. Still need to go get her a new wheelchair this week, finish packing, do laundry, take the girls to get brushed and nails trimmed, etc etc etc.
Guess I better cut this one short so I can start a load of laundry.
Have a good day.
Until next time.........
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day
Good morning friends and Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there and all the mom's playing both roles. I know my mom has been both to me for nearly 42 years. I am spending my day with my mom in honor of Father's Day.
Mom is in a great mood today! She is so excited about our trip. That has been our conversation over coffee this morning. I have to admit I am totally hype about our trip too. Memories and lots of photo's is my agenda for those 12 days. I want to get lots of photo's because I doubt I will ever travel back to Hawaii again in my life time. LOL
Today we are all going to Monroeville to Grandpa's to celebrate with family. I am so blessed to have gained such great family when I married Challa. I just love it!
Connor's baseball season is nearly over, I think we play one more game tomorrow night and then we are done. At least he is done because of vacation he will not be here to play during the tournament.
Mom's cancer count is down to 7 which is great! That means the chemo is working and that was tested a couple weeks ago. It may be lower now since she has had two treatments since then. She says she knows the chemo is working she can tell. Although this morning the bottoms of her feet are burning which is a side effect of Taxol and not a good thing. Hopefully it won't get any worse and we can continue on this treatment regimen. Taxol also causes the hair loss which she has escaped up until this past week. Now her hair is coming out and we are probably going to have to shave her head before vacation. But I keep telling her she has three beautiful wigs and several turbons that she can wear. I also got her a big floppy hat to wear in Hawaii to keep the sun off of her.
Well, not much more to say today. It's going to be a good one.
Until next time.....
Lori
Mom is in a great mood today! She is so excited about our trip. That has been our conversation over coffee this morning. I have to admit I am totally hype about our trip too. Memories and lots of photo's is my agenda for those 12 days. I want to get lots of photo's because I doubt I will ever travel back to Hawaii again in my life time. LOL
Today we are all going to Monroeville to Grandpa's to celebrate with family. I am so blessed to have gained such great family when I married Challa. I just love it!
Connor's baseball season is nearly over, I think we play one more game tomorrow night and then we are done. At least he is done because of vacation he will not be here to play during the tournament.
Mom's cancer count is down to 7 which is great! That means the chemo is working and that was tested a couple weeks ago. It may be lower now since she has had two treatments since then. She says she knows the chemo is working she can tell. Although this morning the bottoms of her feet are burning which is a side effect of Taxol and not a good thing. Hopefully it won't get any worse and we can continue on this treatment regimen. Taxol also causes the hair loss which she has escaped up until this past week. Now her hair is coming out and we are probably going to have to shave her head before vacation. But I keep telling her she has three beautiful wigs and several turbons that she can wear. I also got her a big floppy hat to wear in Hawaii to keep the sun off of her.
Well, not much more to say today. It's going to be a good one.
Until next time.....
Lori
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Another Day in the life....
Good morning and hoping this finds everyone well and rested. Once again I woke up at 4:20 am to my back hurting so bad I had to just get up. My pain management doctor is closed for vacation this whole week and their message states if you need assistance got to the ER. WTF? You would think they would find someone to cover for them rather than sending patients to the ER. I have a appointment with her on Monday and believe me she is going to hear it. This pain medication is NOT working and I am getting really irritable because I hurt. With vacation just a week away I want some relief.
Today is chemo day for momma. She has this one and one more before we leave on our trip. Then she will have a break. I feel so sorry for her after her treatments. It is all she can do to step into the front door and make it to her chair. Why does cancer and treatment have to be so horrible? I just don't understand with all the research why they can't find a cure or at least easier treatment. My question would be do they really want to? There is so much money to be made off of cancer patients. Just makes you wonder.
Connor is sleeping in and looks as peaceful as a angel. He is such a good boy. He and I had a hard conversation last night. He is having a hard time dealing with grandma and cancer. He said "she won't be around to see me graduate and do all the things she and I had planned." This breaks my heart. He is her world and why is she getting cheated? All she has ever done is work and raise me. I wanted her to have a happy retirement and enjoy life and instead she has cancer. Connor says he feels like he needs to pull away emotionally so he doesn't feel as hurt when cancer wins. I explained to him that he needs to spend time with her and make memories because when she is gone she is gone. Memories is all he will have left. It is hard to have this conversation with a 13 year old and try to make him understand. He says he loves her more than anything and I know he is hurting. Challa and I discussed doing some family counseling when we return from our trip. Maybe at the Chapel. This might help all of us deal with our situation. I know I struggle every day but I try to put on a strong face. Inside I feel like I am dying a slow death, the thought of not having my mom is something I just can't bear to think about. She has always been my world. Yes, I have Connor and Challa but that isn't my mom. Being a daughter and caregiver is very hard and everyday I wish I could turn back time to before she got sick. I relive the day I was told she had it over and over in my head. I imagine the cancer and where it is in her body like it is a person and searching for somewhere to latch on and destroy. The feelings of helplessness are huge. Every time I tuck her in at night I cherish her eyes and the look on her face. I don't ever want to forget. My fear is that when she is gone I will need to ask her a question or find comfort in her words and she won't be here. It's not fair!!!
Well enough sadness for one day. Hope you all have a wonderful day and love your love ones because we never know how much time we have with them.
Lori
Today is chemo day for momma. She has this one and one more before we leave on our trip. Then she will have a break. I feel so sorry for her after her treatments. It is all she can do to step into the front door and make it to her chair. Why does cancer and treatment have to be so horrible? I just don't understand with all the research why they can't find a cure or at least easier treatment. My question would be do they really want to? There is so much money to be made off of cancer patients. Just makes you wonder.
Connor is sleeping in and looks as peaceful as a angel. He is such a good boy. He and I had a hard conversation last night. He is having a hard time dealing with grandma and cancer. He said "she won't be around to see me graduate and do all the things she and I had planned." This breaks my heart. He is her world and why is she getting cheated? All she has ever done is work and raise me. I wanted her to have a happy retirement and enjoy life and instead she has cancer. Connor says he feels like he needs to pull away emotionally so he doesn't feel as hurt when cancer wins. I explained to him that he needs to spend time with her and make memories because when she is gone she is gone. Memories is all he will have left. It is hard to have this conversation with a 13 year old and try to make him understand. He says he loves her more than anything and I know he is hurting. Challa and I discussed doing some family counseling when we return from our trip. Maybe at the Chapel. This might help all of us deal with our situation. I know I struggle every day but I try to put on a strong face. Inside I feel like I am dying a slow death, the thought of not having my mom is something I just can't bear to think about. She has always been my world. Yes, I have Connor and Challa but that isn't my mom. Being a daughter and caregiver is very hard and everyday I wish I could turn back time to before she got sick. I relive the day I was told she had it over and over in my head. I imagine the cancer and where it is in her body like it is a person and searching for somewhere to latch on and destroy. The feelings of helplessness are huge. Every time I tuck her in at night I cherish her eyes and the look on her face. I don't ever want to forget. My fear is that when she is gone I will need to ask her a question or find comfort in her words and she won't be here. It's not fair!!!
Well enough sadness for one day. Hope you all have a wonderful day and love your love ones because we never know how much time we have with them.
Lori
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Happy Hump Day
Another early morning for me as usual. Trying to understand my sleep pattern but I am resolving to the fact that I am just a early riser in the summer months. Coffee tastes good this morning and I am very excited about our trip. I have been surfing the net looking at photo's and planning out our 4 days we will be in Honolulu post cruise.
Mom is so excited about the trip. Yesterday she had me helping her try on all of her shoes that I have gotten her for the trip. Cute little sandals and such. I have bought her almost all new clothes since she is losing weight due to her chemo treatments this time she needed a new wardrobe. And she most certainly deserved one. Her hair is coming out now but she and I are staying positive that it will not all come out before our trip. She said "we will just take my wigs in case". What a trooper. She has been through so much and yet at times my old mom is in there somewhere. Most days are sad and it is so pitiful to see her age and become so helpless. Cancer sure is a mean disease. It has taken my mom and turned her into a totally different person. I only want to do what is best for her and give her everything and anything that her heart desires. She sometimes feels sorry for herself and that is understandable. She has been and is going through a lot for someone to handle.
Well, happy days are ahead of her!! Hawaii...7 days on a cruise and 4 wonderful days at a 5 star resort. I want to show her so much and let her take it all in. Something she can enjoy now and make memories that we can hold on to forever!!! I love her so much and at times I just can't express it enough.
Enough sadness for one day. Hopefully you will all have a wonderful day.
Until next time,
Lori
Mom is so excited about the trip. Yesterday she had me helping her try on all of her shoes that I have gotten her for the trip. Cute little sandals and such. I have bought her almost all new clothes since she is losing weight due to her chemo treatments this time she needed a new wardrobe. And she most certainly deserved one. Her hair is coming out now but she and I are staying positive that it will not all come out before our trip. She said "we will just take my wigs in case". What a trooper. She has been through so much and yet at times my old mom is in there somewhere. Most days are sad and it is so pitiful to see her age and become so helpless. Cancer sure is a mean disease. It has taken my mom and turned her into a totally different person. I only want to do what is best for her and give her everything and anything that her heart desires. She sometimes feels sorry for herself and that is understandable. She has been and is going through a lot for someone to handle.
Well, happy days are ahead of her!! Hawaii...7 days on a cruise and 4 wonderful days at a 5 star resort. I want to show her so much and let her take it all in. Something she can enjoy now and make memories that we can hold on to forever!!! I love her so much and at times I just can't express it enough.
Enough sadness for one day. Hopefully you will all have a wonderful day.
Until next time,
Lori
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Another Day in the life....
Good morning, I am up super early 4am as usual. This is the time I have for myself before the rest of the house wakes up and my daily demands start. Coffee, computer and a cigarette.
Last night my son Connor played a great baseball game. It was scary to leave mom home alone but she did ok while we were gone. The last time we played this team mom fell and broke her hand while we were gone so yes I was nervous. Connor had two hits, 4 RBI's, 2 outs!!! What a game for him. He was due and so deserved it.
Mom is getting really excited about our trip to Hawaii. I was able to secure a wonderful hotel on Waikki Beach for an additional 4 days when we get off the cruise ship so we are staying until the 5th now!! It is so exciting to think about.
Well enough for now, lazy day today.
Last night my son Connor played a great baseball game. It was scary to leave mom home alone but she did ok while we were gone. The last time we played this team mom fell and broke her hand while we were gone so yes I was nervous. Connor had two hits, 4 RBI's, 2 outs!!! What a game for him. He was due and so deserved it.
Mom is getting really excited about our trip to Hawaii. I was able to secure a wonderful hotel on Waikki Beach for an additional 4 days when we get off the cruise ship so we are staying until the 5th now!! It is so exciting to think about.
Well enough for now, lazy day today.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Life as a mother and caregiver
I am a mother of a teenage son and a wife and caregiver of my mother who is a stage IV Ovarian Cancer battler. Life is a ever changing thing for us. Good days and bad days and never knowing what kind of day it is going to be is always a challenge.
I am blessed to have found this blogging site via my sister who uses it. Maybe it will give me a chance to rant and express some of my feelings.
We are planning a family vacation to Hawaii in 11 days which will include a 7 day cruise of all the islands and then 3 days in Honolulu before heading home. This is one of the things on my mother's bucket list and we are doing it!!!
I am blessed to have found this blogging site via my sister who uses it. Maybe it will give me a chance to rant and express some of my feelings.
We are planning a family vacation to Hawaii in 11 days which will include a 7 day cruise of all the islands and then 3 days in Honolulu before heading home. This is one of the things on my mother's bucket list and we are doing it!!!
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